Keeping in Touch

I had vivid dreams this morning – you know those really bizarre ones that you wake up trying to make sense of, even as you scratch your head thinking “where the heck did THAT come from?”  Some dream scenes I remember: “The Office” characters putting on an elaborate party for me (including the gift of a tiny diorama); then the party wound up at a beach-like location and we were swimming; then there were obstacles and a competition much like the big balls in “Winter Wipeout”; then I was at church and had just spent a bunch of time cleaning up and arranging the church social hall for some event, only to have someone else swoop in and decide to rearrange my efforts.  Just your typically weird dream sequences….

alone in a crowd?

But the strangest part – if you can believe anything might be stranger than those dreams! – was that I woke with not just the crazy dream scenes in mind, but this sentence as well: “Why am I so lonely when there are people all around me?” 

The words were extraordinarily vivid – unforgettable.  But oddly, the idea of loneliness was not related to the goofy dreams.  I suppose that’s the reason the words were so striking.  “Why am I so lonely when there are people all around me?”  What is that supposed to mean?

So I’ve been thinking about those words today, scratching my head and trying to figure out where the heck THAT came from.  I haven’t been noticeably lonely of late.  I’m strongly introverted, so it doesn’t take much interaction with people to meet my social needs.  I also have a handful of close personal relationships wherein I know and am known.  If I’m not lonely for people, then who am I lonely for?

Aha!  I am lonely for God!  When personal relationship with God is missing, you can find yourself lonely even in the midst of the most satisfying relationships with other people.  When quiet time to pray and meditate and simply “be,” consciously aware of existing in the presence of God, when that time gets pushed aside, a dissatisfied loneliness creeps into your heart. 

If you have known intimacy with God, then you might figure out what’s going on.  As soon as I realized those vivid words could only be speaking of a loneliness for God, then I immediately recalled that I have been remiss in finding quiet time with God these past couple of weeks.  And because the weeks before that had felt very close to our Father, why should I feel anything other than loneliness at His absence?

Of course, God is always with us, so it’s not like God went anywhere.  It’s sort of like two people going out for a lunch date, and one person winds up sitting and waiting while the other person takes call after call on their cell phone, turns aside to greet a passing acquaintance, wanders off to track down a waiter, checks email on the Blackberry, etc., etc.  God is the one patiently waiting for our attention to return to him. 

If you’ve never had an intimate relationship with God, then you may not even know what’s wrong.  The vague sense that something is missing goes unsatisfied by the things of the world with which you try to satisfy yourself.  “Why am I so lonely when there are people all around me?” you think.  The loneliness is a lack of God - and only God will satisfy.

And with that said, I simply must stop writing for you now - I miss God!  I’m going to log off and spend some time in God’s presence – praying, reading scripture, pondering the amazing truth that God could have any interest whatever in hearing from little ol’ me – astounding….